I know it has happened to you sometime, to me too. But I have never known why forbidden loves are more intense. It happened to me with someone who was already engaged, about to get married. Imagine the intensity.
Sometimes two friends fall in love with the same girl. One or both of them are going to suffer.
It happened to a friend with a very handsome man, a lot of age difference. He treated him like a child, he did not accept her. What my friend felt was so intense that she fainted.
There are so many reasons, but I don’t understand why forbidden loves easily drive us crazy. On the other hand, I don’t believe like others that forbidden loves are better than allowed ones.
What I do know, and I have lived it, is that forbidden loves hurt more than allowed ones. Today in Your Kisses Blog we will see what is behind or what they hide to be so intense.
What is behind, because the forbidden loves are more intense
We like challenges, especially when they say “no” to us, when they forbid us. We always want to show that we can and that raises our emotions to the maximum.
For example in adolescence, who has not fallen in love with the teacher.
A forbidden love is something that happens very infrequently. But what if it happens to you very often, you always fall in love with the wrong person. Bad luck or what’s behind it.
There are three types of forbidden or impossible love. Now we will see why the forbidden loves are more intense.
1.- When we fall in love with someone we idealize a lot
This happens to many girls and is the source of so many disappointments of the heart. By idealizing a man we attribute characteristics to him that he does not have. Then we realize everything and that hurts a lot.
Idealizing that is the reason why forbidden loves hurt so much. Many times we say, “look what it has done to me”, “it has disappointed me”. But in reality we do everything ourselves.
It is like falling in love with a ghost. We believe that it is exactly “how we would like it to be”, we believe we have found the love of our life .
2.- Falling in love with someone believing that they are very similar to ourselves
Sometimes we meet that boy who has the traits that we like the most about ourselves. We are so dazzled to see someone with such good tastes that we admire so much that we fall in love.
We really like to meet someone as special and different as ourselves. Of course, forbidden loves are more intense thanks to the fact that we idealize a lot.
We all have a bit of narcissists, we think we are cute, which is good. But the problem is in the exaggeration. We exaggerate with the ideal boy we seek and never find it, unless we idealize someone.
That is why forbidden loves make us crazy more easily and obviously, they hurt us more because then we get disappointed.
3.- We like difficult loves because it makes us feel more passionate
It is normal, we like adventures, strong emotions, feel the adrenaline rushing every moment for our lives. Falling in love with the teacher, someone much older than us, a relative, the doctor who treats us.
How many times do we fall in love with guys who already have a girlfriend . We are infatuated with the difficult, with married people. Many times just to show that we can do what we want.
But as in other impossible loves, there is a lot of idealization. Yes, that’s why forbidden loves are more intense. But disappointment is frequent as soon as we know how that person really is.
Forbidden loves hurt more than allowed ones because they are always conflictive and we idealize a lot.
Why do impossible loves attract us so much
We are always attracted to what we cannot have, or to something that is difficult for us to achieve. The scarcity or the difficulty is always a challenge that invites us to achieve it.
Psychoanalytic psychology says that someone who suffers from the Oedipus complex continues to fall in love with what seems familiar but impossible.
On the other hand, we feel that what is really worth costs. We like to prove to ourselves that we are worthy of something that costs. And this applies to everything in life.
We enjoy conquering the impossible, what is easy is boring, it does not motivate. But all of this has a lot to do with low self-esteem and a lack of confidence.
Forbidden loves are more intense because we believe we are going to achieve greater security in ourselves.
There is a very good song, because it will be that the forbidden loves on YouTube:
What to do to free ourselves from the suffering of forbidden loves
First of all, you have to work on yourself, love yourself to love the right person in the same way. The most important thing is to feel good about yourself. Well, we are our most frequent, inevitable company.
Before being prepared for another person, we must prepare for ourselves. If there are conflicts with ourselves, we will unconsciously manifest those difficulties with love relationships that are difficult to achieve.
When we don’t know each other well, all we know about ourselves are idealizations. We are so used to superficial idealization and we can’t think of anything else in love.
Knowing oneself, improving our self-esteem, loving ourselves, means accepting ourselves without qualifying. Once we feel good about ourselves, we will be ready for a healthy relationship as a couple. They say that forbidden loves are more intense because they are insecure.
The most frequent forbidden loves in our society
1.- Love between members of different social classes. For seeking economic stability, for having a higher class, etc.
2.- Love relationships between second-line relatives. With uncle, cousin, brother-in-law, etc.
3.- Forbidden love between siblings.
4.- Love relationships between people of different hierarchies and / or status. Teacher-student, boss-subordinate, married-single, coach-student, etc.
5.- Love between people with different ages.
6.- Loves for codependency. When someone helps a needy, the intellectual with the ignorant, the expert with the client.
7.- Those loves between beauty and the beast. People with very marked differences in beauty.
8.- Loves at a distance. With the internet they have increased a lot.
9.- There are loves between people with ideological differences. Religious, political, philosophical, cultural differences, etc.
10.- Between people who already live conflictive love relationships. Dysfunctional families, need to comfort each other.
11.- Loves of people who lie constantly. The lie acts as a complement to the idealization. Among people who say they are what they are not.
12.- Falling in love with people of the same sex. Not everyone likes this relationship.